Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
|
|
7:34 am - Changes
|
It's been awhile, but I know I'm in a better place. I guess the pass few years have been good to me. I haven't had any real issues and I haven't been able to just sit and think anymore. Darien is almost 9 and my little baby is Angel is 3. Life with 2 kids is hard, Ben and I got married back in 2007. I guess I don't have much to say anymore. I have thoughts of the past and they keep coming back to me. I might be depressed again, but I don't think I am. I just miss the carefree times I used to have. I feel like th weight of the world is on my shoulders at home. With me not working now I just don't know how to handle everything. Talking doesn't help, and the person I talked to about everything is gone now. My wonderful loving grandmother died little over a year now and my best friend is off fighting in the war. So our conversations are usually short and sweet and he has enough going on with his life. I never felt a connection to someone like I do with my best friend that I have now. Dustin is really the male version of me. Ben likes him. That's all that matters. Well I guess it times for me to get up and get breakfast made for Angel and Ben. Laters.
current mood:  content
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Friday, October 13th, 2006
|
|
1:55 pm - so I'm back
|
After having a another kid your life isn't really your own anymore. Like it really was to start with. But you learn to let go. Now that Darien is 5 he is more independent and abel to tons of things on his own. Then Now I have Angelina. By the way that's her name she is almost 4 months old now. I can't believe it. But she needs everything sometimes I don't know I can really handle all of it. But I'm learning to deal. Now I just found out that Darien's dad Tony is out of a job again. I mean this guy can't keep a job if he life depended on it. It's just so.. I can't even explain it. It just pisses me off! He had this job for about 4 months and then what happends he gets let go. I know that's the reason. I know I'm not a saint, but I know I have to keep my job to support my family. I just don't think he really cares if does help out with Darien or not. I have a school bill do and I can't pay it by myself and Ben is helping don't get me wrong. But I just would like the help from Tony every once in a while.
Man I all I do is bitch. I really need to stop it it's not good for the karma. I need to stay postive. I can do this on my own with out Tony's help I have done it before I can do it again. It just make money really tight. We will adapt.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Thursday, June 1st, 2006
|
|
2:24 pm - Well almost 5 weeks left!
|
I can't believe it! I have only about 5 weeks until this little one that drive me crazy is due. I don't know if I'm ready or not. I wasn't ready for Darien, but hey it's turning out alright. He's a pretty smart kid. Also I think Ben is finally getting on board about having a baby. It took him almost the whole pregnancy, but after our Childbirth classes he been helping out more and trying to be nicer. It's kind of funny. I'm not totally used to him be super nice it kind of drives me crazy! I'm used to the crabby and grumpy Ben. I actually fine that to be alot easier to handle.
This weekend is my baby shower. It's going to be with my family and Ben's family. I think Ben's aunts will be cool. I don't know how is mom is going to handle everything. Most of my friends are going to be bring their kids. So there are going to be alot of kinds there.
Oh well they can deal.
current mood:  anxious
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Friday, May 5th, 2006
|
|
2:15 pm - pissed..
|
Have you ever been so upset that it just makes you cry? I'm just at the point today. I get this email from my aunt asking me to change the date of the baby shower that she wants to throw. It was suppose to be 2 weeks from now and now I don't know anymore. She acted like she sent out all the invites and stuff, but I guess she didn't. I don't tknow what to think. This is the first time she has said anything to me about it wanting to change the date. She is saying alot of stuff has happened in the past two weeks, yet when she talked to me last week and told me that she was going to send out the invites last weekend. She didn't mention anything really. I know a few people we both knew died last week and then something about the taking one of the dogs that's lives with her ex to the vet and shelling out a grand for it too. I guess I don't care what goes on, but it pisses me off that she can't even call me about it and talk to me she has to email it to me. So then I call my grandma and ask her what's going on. Then she starts that I'm not getting in the middle of this and most people she talked to can't make it the day that we planned which is fine by me. But then she goes and tells me that well Alisa is need to find a new place to move to in June and things like that. So what's the point of doing it. I'm just pissed off.
current mood:  pissed off
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
|
|
11:32 am - ugh.. a slow week at work.
|
|
Well my boss is out of town for the week and we have classes going on here at work. But there is nothing to do here. It's just slow and boring. I need a life. My new thing lately is my myspace page. I don't really do anything on it, but I found some old friends from high school and most of them still live around here. Sad ain't it? Well I guess I could go back playing my game the same game I have been playing for the last 3 days betweens calls.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
|
|
8:52 am - My Theme song... ugh
|
|
|
Monday, March 20th, 2006
|
|
2:40 pm - Hey. Yeah.
|
I sound so stupid when I say we got a new car! I sound like a little school girl. But I'm so excited. We got a 2005 Nissan Armada. It's huge! I don't know what I'm going to do with all that room. I guess with another kid along the way and all the stuff that has to come along with you I would say more room is a good thing, the only thing I don't like is the gas mileage. I mean I know it's a huge SUV and stuff but I'm not used to paying 60 bucks for one fill up.
Yeah I went to the doctor today. It was quite interesting to say the least. I finally gained some weight. I had lost about 12 pounds before this appointment and I was afraid that I would get yelled at, but thank god I put on about 4 pounds almost 5 since my last appointment so they can't yell at me. I'm having a little girl her name is going to be Angelina Irene. I'm glad because Ben and I couldn't decided on a boy's name at all. Well she is doing good weighs about 1lb 7oz so far and I'm in my 24th week. Only about 15 more to go! I'm not the glowing type of a girl. I'm just like lets get this done and over with. I can't sleep I can't eat half the time and I don't crave anything which by the way really sucks! OH well it's life I guess.
Well I should act like I'm working again. Actually it's been a pretty slow day around here. Might as well play a game.
Later days!
current mood:  bored
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
|
|
2:45 pm - So it's called Valentine's Day...
|
I wish for once we would do something for Valentine's Day. Ben is working tonight, actually he has been working since 7am this morning and doesn't get off until about 10pm tonight, so no way in hell we could make any plans. It's cool though, it's life. Actually me and Darien are going to end up watching movies and eating fish sticks with mac and cheese.
Darien actually just turned 5 last week! I can't believe I'm getting so old. Okay okay it's really not true, but it does feel like it. He is so excited about his birthday party this weekend though, we are going to build a bear workshop with a bunch of kids from preschool. I like to see him smile.
Well I should be going it's getting busy at work and I'm the only one here. Mary is at court today. The joys.
Later days
current mood: content
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Thursday, January 19th, 2006
|
|
2:16 pm - Cake day!!
|
Every 3rd Thursday of the month at work we have a birthday cake come in for the birthdays of that month. And for once the cake was pretty good! It was a white cake with white frosting. But it seems that everyone likes the carrot cake, which kind of surpises me. I don't know why it does, but it does.
I'm finally at the stage where I'm beginning to show. I kind of hate it. I have to buy new clothes and try them on. I just feel fat at this stage. Not pregnant or anything fun like that. Just fat. It's weird really. I'm taking Darien swimming tonight he is so excited. He loves to swim the only thing is that I need to go into the pool with him and I don't know if my swimsuit still fits or not. I guess I'll find out!
Well I should go. I fill like stuff pig right now. Need to think about something else!!
Later Days!
Mellie
current mood:  ecstatic
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Thursday, January 12th, 2006
|
|
11:05 am - Blah!
|
Man... I have a cold or something that just won't go away. It's driving me crazy! But At least it warm (well kind of) here. Everything is the same. Nothing to exciting and new. I go to the doctor in about a week I'm tired already of going to the doctor! I mean I know know it's only once a month right now, but it's going to be once every 2 weeks and then every week. I'm I now remember what it was like with Darien and I was perfectly okay not going to the doctors. And I guess my biggest complaint is when I have to go to the bathroom at work they are always cleaning it! IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! Okay they is another set downstairs, but me and stairs don't get along all that much anymore.
Ben is starting at another Menards next month, it's much closer to home, which is good for us. Since Darien will be starting school next year and with baby going in daycare then it will be good for at least someone to be closer to home.
Have to much going on in my head. I have to plan a wedding within a 18 months and have the baby about 6 months. I want a big wedding and now we can't afford it really. I have a big family my dad has 10 brothers and sister. Thank god both my mom and Ben's family are pretty small.
Another thing that bothers me.. I'm just on a roll today! My friend Jessica the one that just go married and Darien and I were in the wedding is coming over tonight to drop on my stroller which I let her borrow awhile ago. The only reason I did that because she was watching Dare for awhile and didn't have one for herself yet. Well I have been asking for about 4 months now just to get it back because her and her husband are moving. Well I think she has ruined it. She suppose to be bring it with her tonight. And if it's not in almost the same condition I gave it to her, they will need to get me a new one and not a cheap one. I spent a lot of money on that thing and hell I wouldn't have ruined it. And she wants to do something with us tonight which is perfectly okay, but then she says we don't have any money and can't afford to do anything. Well she not the only one in the world that is broke! So I'm stuck making dinner for them and well I'll just be getting home from work and really need to clean the house and pack things up for Darien sleep over at his friends tomorrow and I don't really have any food in the house until I go shopping tomorrow. I guess the kicker of it all she was asking if they could stay the night at our house since we had a spare bedroom and they didn't want to drive home which is 30 miles away. I said no, because I work tomorrow and so does Ben and I don't want them to stay in my house. I don't trust her. I never had really trust since we were kids. I guess it stems down to she took the guy I liked when she knew I wanted him. The sad thing he wanted to date her! Actually that happened more than once. I'm kind of bitter about it. I have to be. She never has been a true friend, yet she wants to call herself my best friend. And really I don't always care for her that much. I'm mean. I know it I don't care anymore. That's hose everything seems to be happening lately in my life. I just don't care anymore. So deal.
Well It's lunch time and I'm going to get food.
Later.
current mood:  bitchy
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
|
|
4:10 pm - News...
|
Well yeah again, me not updating anymore. I have the time to do it, but I just don't have the energy to do it. Well I have exciting news though! I found out pregnant! I'm about 3 months along now and I'm due in July. Ben and I are kind of excited, but scared. We have finally past the daycare stage with Darien next summer and now here we are going to have to put another in daycare again! Darien is excited though, he wants a little brother! His reasoning behind it is because he already has a little sister with dad, but I want a little girl though. Ben wants a boy I think. Either way I will be happy. It took Ben almost the whole 3 months to tell his parents, his mom freaked like usual, but he dad seem to take it pretty well. He also told them we are planning to get married in 2007. His mom is so pissed off right now it's not even funny. She wouldn't even talk to me at Christmas because of it. I guess I really don't care.
Otherwise everything is going the same around here. Nothing really to exciting. Life is boring. I can't eat because of the pregnancy food just doesn't sound good to me. Oh well I deal.
Well should go now.
Later Days!!
current mood: excited
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Monday, October 17th, 2005
|
|
12:21 pm - Ugh...
|
I'm so tired of Dare's dad. He calls me while I'm at work to talk. I missed the call but the message he left doesn't make me want to talk to him. The guys hasn't worked in over a year and hasn't paid me a dime since Febuary and he calling me to try to help him get out of paying me child support. My question is why would I do that?? I mean I have to pay for everything that Darien needs and wants. I haven't had any help from him. Ben does what he can because he loves Darien will all his heart as if it was his own son. Anyways there isn't anything I could do. It is all up to the courts and they won't say hey just because you want to be nice will do that for you. They'll say hey you owe it to her you should be paying and we aren't going to change it.
So anyways I tried to call him back and well he didn't answer; so I tried it again and he didn't answer again. What is the point of calling someone when they are at work and not able to talk and then when they return your calls and then you don't answer it doesn't make any sense to me. Well I guess it's life. I deal. I was the one that slept with him and got pregnant. But honestly I wouldn't change it for the world. I have the sweetest and kindest and nicest little boy in the world. He treats his little sister well and his friends well. That's really all that matters.
Oh yeah I finally got Ben to set a date! We are planning to get married on July 21, 2007. I know it's so far away, but we need to get the deck done and grass planted and all that fun stuff so we can have the reception at our house. I'm kind of excited. I'm going to go look at dresses on Saturday. I think I have a few picked out in my mind. Hopefully I can lose the weight and look go in my dress.
Well Later days!
current mood: irritated
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
|
|
2:26 pm - Dare's Going to Oklahoma...
|
Well it's happened. Darien is going on his first real trip and it's without me. I couldn't get the time off of work and my brother Josh is going to see my dad in Oklahoma this weekend and Darien wanted to go with. So I'm letting him. I don't know how I'm feeling about it. I just wanted him to say home with me, but he has never met my grandparents before or other family down there and he is excited to go also. I'm just the worrying mom. Go figure!
current mood: sad
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
|
|
1:40 pm - Darien's First day of Preschool.
|
Man I'm getting old. Darien started preschool again today and I took some time off to see what is going on. He has a new teacher. The old one retired last year. She seem pretty cool. He's so excited about it! He kept on asking if he has school tomorrow and he got pretty upset because he doesn't. He loves it. I hope he just keeps this attitude they whole time he is in school. He's gotten so grown up the past few months. I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm just getting so old.
I'm so tired of fighting with Ben's mom. She doesn't like me. Never has. She says I'm not Open enough, that I don't try to get along with the family. Hell the only person I don't get along with in his family is his mom. I get along with his dad and his sister and his dad's family with no problem. It's just her she treats me like I'm a nobody, that I cant do anything right for her son. I have been with Ben for over 4 years now. If that was really the problem he still wouldn't be with me. She even told him he should break up with me and try dating other people. He told her to drop it, it's not even open for discussion and that it's really none of her business. Ben didn't tell me that she said that, I went out with his sister for dinner one night and she told me she said that. Least that proves that he loves me. I was wondering there for a while. He's a good man. I'm really happy that we are so perfect for each other. We are open and honest that's what matters most.
Well I should go and pretend to work for awhile. I love my job all I do is answer the phone and play on the internet. And I get paid well to do this. :)
current mood:  loved
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
|
|
3:02 pm - Weddings don't they suck?
|
Well yeah.. nothing to exciting. Life is kind of bored. This coming weekend I'm in a stupid wedding for my best friend. It is disorganized. I can't believe it. Nothing is going right for this thing I think. I don't even want to be in this wedding anymore. But I will suck it up and deal with it. Ben tells me that I'm jealous. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. I don't know. Yeah I would like to get married sometime soon. But I know with Ben it's not going to happen anytime soon. He isn't ready and well I'm not going to push. But we have been together for 4 years now and we aren't getting any younger. And we are talking about having a kid. Blah!
Anyways I'm going to jet and try to think things through. I'll get over it.
Later days!
MEL
current mood:  blah
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
|
|
2:23 pm - hehehe I'm boy shorts!!!
|
|
|
Monday, July 18th, 2005
|
|
3:25 pm
|
Well another day another dollar.. Man I'm tired. We just got a new dog this weekend and he's about 9 weeks old. He's a cutie, but he gots his nights and days messed up. So I'm not getting any sleep. Darien is good and so is Ben. He's been hot as can be here and it sucks. Nothing really is going on. Life is boring. Well I should go and get back to work and figure out what has been going on in my life.
Later Days!
Mel
current mood: bored
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
|
|
4:44 pm - Yeah it's me again...
|
Okay It's been a while again. I just haven't ever found time to sit and be able to go in the internet to type and keep track of everything. We are finally settled in the house. It's been stressful, but all in all good. I just started a new job and it's going pretty well I think. No real complaints to be have really.
I'm looking for new daycare for Darien and I'm having a hard time interviewing. I never really had to interview before because it was a friend of the family or my mom. So this is a new thing to me. I think I like one though, all I need to do is let his old daycare know, which I'm having a hard time doing.
Ben is looking for a new job. He is sick of working at Menards it's been five years now there for him and there is really no more places he can move up to there. So time to look for something new. My best friend is getting married and all I can think of is when am I going to get married, but I don't know it all depend on Ben. He's not ready even though we have been together for almost 4 years now. WOW I can't believe it's been this long. But I can wait.
Well I should go. Need to close down at work.
Maybe I'll start writing more again.
Later Days!
current mood: indifferent
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Monday, January 24th, 2005
|
|
10:20 am - Almost done...
|
Well I have been working and working and working it seems like. But my house is almost done. I know I didn't do alot of work on it but I have been there when they needed me to be there. Ben and his Dad are completely awesome with everything that they have finished. All we need is carpet and front entry way done. Then we can have the come and say the OK to move in!! I'm so excited! My best friend Jess just had her baby. I would love to have one someday but I will wait. Until we are able to afford it. Dare is almost 4 I can't believe it. He's such an angel! I don't know would I would do with out him. He's my world! He's so smart and cute and sweet. Just what a good little boy should be! Ben is great also he got promoted at work and is happier at the new store he transfered to. I'm glad one less thing we would worry about. I can't believe it's been almost 4 years that Ben and I have been together. It's weird. I'm growing up. Wow did I just say that?? Well I guess I should go back to work drink my coffee.
Later Days!
MEL
current mood: good
current music: Beautiful Soul
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
10:20 am - Almost done...
|
Well I have been working and working and working it seems like. But my house is almost done. I know I didn't do alot of work on it but I have been there when they needed me to be there. Ben and his Dad are completely awesome with everything that they have finished. All we need is carpet and front entry way done. Then we can have the come and say the OK to move in!! I'm so excited! My best friend Jess just had her baby. I would love to have one someday but I will wait. Until we are able to afford it. Dare is almost 4 I can't believe it. He's such an angel! I don't know would I would do with out him. He's my world! He's so smart and cute and sweet. Just what a good little boy should be! Ben is great also he got promoted at work and is happier at the new store he transfered to. I'm glad one less thing we would worry about. I can't believe it's been almost 4 years that Ben and I have been together. It's werid. I'm growing up. Wow did I just say that?? Well I guess I should go back to work drink my coffee.
Later Days!
MEL
current mood: good
current music: Beautiful Soul
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
redballon's journal
amused
